Sunday, February 21, 2016

4 Years

Today marks four years since the discovery of my tumor, a day that I refer to as "Tumor Day" - you can read more about my recount of that day here.

Four years. Man oh man. I always say this, but it still feels like it was yesterday and a thousand years ago all at the same time. I still have all of the memories, every last detail leading up to that moment and everything that came after. I still can't believe it's real, but at the same time I have gotten used to it. I remember doctors talking about my 'new normal' or my dental oncologist telling me one day we'd be at a point where I'd only see him once a year. I remember thinking how crazy that all sounded. When will this ever be normal and how weird to think I'll only have to come in once a year rather than every few weeks like it was for so long. But here I am. I made it. I'm there. It's 'normal' to me now, I've adjusted and my life continued.

This year truly marks a new chapter for me in a big way. And it legitimately took me all four years to get here. Other than the prosthetic I'll have in my mouth most likely the rest of my life, the last remaining remnants of the cancer years have finally passed. Four years after my diagnosis and over two years since my full blown mental breakdown, I am finally fully back on my feet (and kind of kicking ass). I am working full time and have a solid job (and it's one that I genuinely enjoy), I am fully supporting myself and living on my own again...finally. And most important, I am healthy and happy both mentally and physically. I think I can honestly say I've processed, adjusted, and essentially moved on with my life. Doesn't mean I don't think about it daily, or that things related to it no longer get to me because that definitely all still happens - that's just being human. Four effing years!!! It was a mother fucker of a process to get to this point! I do not miss any of it, but am oddly still grateful for all of it.

It's truly a humbling experience when the universe pulls the rug out from under you and you realize just how little control you actually have in this life. This quote by Marianne Williamson always struck a chord with me "...something very beautiful happens to people when their world has fallen apart: a humility, a nobility, a higher intelligence emerges at just the point when our knees hit the floor." I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but I can tell you that statement is true. Never again will the simple act of waking up to a normal, boring day as a healthy individual be taken for granted, nor go unappreciated.

Be thankful. Every single day. Life can flip your world upside down in an instant.