Tuesday, August 26, 2014

...aaaannnd breathe.

Waiting for scan results is the worst. The. Worst. I was very confident everything was going to come back clean. I'd say I was 99% sure everything would be fine, but man is it crazy how powerful that pesky 1% can be!!!! That teeny tiny shred of doubt can be terrifying, crippling even. Oh how our minds can wander. I didn't even realize how much that looming cloud of test results was actually suffocating me until it was gone and I could breathe again.

It took over a week to get the call that my results were in. A week is a long time to wait for that. And it's always the worst when you have the wait carry over into a weekend because that's 2 days you definitely know you won't be hearing any news and are therefore waiting longer. The longer you wait, the more you start to question everything!! Why is it taking so long? If everything was fine they should have had them by now. Maybe they had to send it out for a second opinion (again), so that means there's a problem?! You're constantly shuffling through those thoughts while waiting. And then the phone rings. It's the doctor. Oh shit. Here we go. The entire journey up until now flashes before my eyes, a thousand emotions in like 2 seconds. I'm holding my breath the whole time he's talking. And then finally....exhale. It's hard to fully explain the joy and jubilation of words like "zero evidence of recurrence" and "scan is completely normal"....being normal never felt so good!! Relieved is an understatement in that moment. I've had that moment 3 times in my life and its brought me to tears every time.

It's days like this, moments like this that remind me, God life is precious! I am lucky. And I am grateful. Appreciate every moment, every breath. Be present and appreciate what you have, right now. It can be gone in an instant. It's truly humbling to realize just how little control you actually have in this life. My body has healed and life went on, but never again will the simple act of waking up to a normal, boring day as a healthy individual be taken for granted, nor go unappreciated.

Be thankful. Everyday...... don't ever forget that.