In so many ways I'm in such a great place. Just mentally and emotionally, I'm standing tall and proud again, taking big, deep, fresh breaths of air, really inhaling what life has to offer. In essence, I feel whole again. I feel like myself again. Do you know how long it took to get that back? Years. But at the same time, I'm so not in a great place in a lot of areas too. Job, living situation, my bank account (I could go on...). Lacking in those areas can most definitely suck.
There's always something, right? Something that's lacking or missing, something you want or are striving for. It's kind of funny really, but there's ALWAYS something. I guess that's just human nature.
If you told me I'd be thirty, looking for a job, and living with my parents I would have never believed you. I'd been out of my parents house and living in San Diego for over 10 years at the time. But if you also told me that I'd have cancer at 27 and have a quarter of my mouth removed, I wouldn't have believed that either. Life happens. Shit happens. Or whatever you want to call it. I came across this quote recently by Mark Nepo (I loooooove Mark Nepo) "There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths." I love that, what a great way to look at life! These last few years have most definitely been an unexpected path!! All you can do is roll with the punches and do the best you can with what you've got. And if you can close your eyes at the end of the day, knowing you've done the best you can with what you have, then you should sleep pretty soundly.
Although these last few years have been a very unexpected path, I feel like the forest has cleared. I made it out. I'm ready for the next chapter in my story "The Life and Times of Amy Uruburu" or what my friends hope I title it, "Seriously, WTF?!" We had the "Cancer" chapter, then there was the "After Cancer" chapter and all the shit that went along with it. I'm ready for the next chapter. You know, the 'Amy got a job, is moving out, and is back on her feet' chapter. That sounds lovely....I'm sure my parents would agree! But of course, the struggle is usually part of the process. Finding a job is hard enough these days, try finding a job while dodging and avoiding the fact that you quit your last job because of a medical issue, and god forbid they find out it was cancer......Next! I'm going to do a wee bit of whining here, but whatever, it's my blog and I can whine if I want to. It's so frustrating. What am I supposed to do in that situation? What do you fill in on the application question of 'reason for leaving?' What do you say in the interview when they ask about why you left this job or the gap in resume? Do you lie? Tell the truth? A little of both? Please tell me, I'm open to suggestions because I've tried it all. And if you think I'm overreacting and that really doesn't matter to an employer then you're giving people far too much credit! Ok, the whining portion is now over. Moving on. I just have to keep that good perspective, stay focused and working hard, and know this will pay off in the end. I have learned that the struggle is always worth it in the end, maybe not in the way you expected, but absolutely worth it.
I sometimes wonder if people are sick of hearing me talk about having cancer and preaching about my revelations that go along with it. Because I could seriously talk about this all day. I really could because it really actually profoundly changed my life in absolutely every way. If you have questions or want to see it, by all means, ask. But be prepared, I may go on and on about it. I can thankfully and proudly say that my cancer story isn't simply, I got cancer, it was unbelievably awful and I hated every second of it, the end. The story doesn't end with all of the horrible, it goes on to include all of the amazing. It's not about what I've lost, but more about what I've gained.
I think we are born to experience utter pain as well as utter happiness, all for the most intense understanding...self purpose. I don't think you ever get "there", the journey is ongoing. But I think that's the beauty of it.
Always remember...Be thankful. Everyday.