Enough

Its crazy how in an instant, your list of priorities or things that are important can suddenly vanish. We can so easily get caught up in the day to day. Getting that promotion, getting that new job, or new car, and then like that. BOOM. That list vanishes because life steps in. Reality check time whether you want it or not. It's pretty humbling when you realize how little control you actually have in this life. At the time my life changer hit, I was on a new job high. I was just about to start a new job that I was so damn excited about (if you read my previous post, you know how well that turned out). My priorities were getting new work clothes, what to wear on my first day, and impressing my new boss. In a single instant those things vanished. My list of priorities became making it through the surgery, getting a clean PET scan, not throwing up from all the meds I was on, and keeping my weight up.

Healing hurts and recovery sucks. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I don't care what it is you're going through, that statement is fact. To say my surgery and recovery was horrendous would be an understatement. Without having any choice in the matter, things got scary simplified for me. Getting enough sleep and the adequate amount of protein and calories without actually being able to bite or chew was all that was on the agenda each day. My body automatically shifted into survival mode for the sole reason of...it had to.  I would have traded anything for a clean PET scan or simply a piece of bread during those brutal months. I dreamed of the day of finally sinking my teeth into a cheeseburger again, of not having a dozen doctors appointments each week, or being able to physically be outside all day. I slowly stepped out of survival mode and into a much more demanding place...the real world. I wanted a clean PET scan and I wanted the closer parking spot in my complex. I wanted to be able to eat again and I wanted to go on that vacation with friends. Basically, I began to hope for more, other than simply making it out of this. Not that long ago, I was simply asking to be cancer free, now here I am, asking for a little bit more. Can't I be cancer free, and have a new job, and live in a new place, and go on that fun summer trip with my friends?

Its so easy to get caught up in that mentality of always chasing or wanting something more. Something better. It is important to have those goals and to strive for better, but don't let it take over your big picture because in the end, that stuff really doesn't matter. Be thankful for what you have. The simple things, the good things, it usually is enough. A new job would be nice, my own place would be nice, and a trip to the Virgin Islands with friends would be pretty damn nice too, but without all that, what I have is definitely nice. What I have is enough. And I am enough.

Who says tomorrow is guaranteed? It's a scary thought, but it's the truth. Life can flip you upside down in a single moment. The course your life is on can get thrown a major curve ball whether you want it or not. I'm not saying don't plan for your future, but don't get caught up in it either. What really matters is the here and now because that's all we get. It's times when I'm looking back at the past is when I can get depressed, sad, or angry, and times when I'm looking forward to the future I can get anxious, worried, or stressed. But when I am in the moment and focusing on the present, I am thankful. I am content. That usually is enough.

Always remember...Be thankful. Everyday.