So what --- Who cares?!

Here goes nothing..... Me writing a blog. A blogger. Blogging. Never thought I'd actually be one of them. I'm not entirely sure what I want this to be yet. I don't want it to be just another cancer blog, but cancer will definitely be a hot topic. I guess its just me writing about my journey. My journey post cancer, my journey to continuously learn, to try new things, to get weird, to get lost, to find my way. Journey to self discovery, I guess. ---god, that sounded cheesy! When I say journey it sounds like I'm on some epic adventure. I assure you I'm not, not currently anyway. I'm 29, I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents....there, I said it. BUT....I can also say that I've got some stories, I've had some life experiences, and I've been forced to learn some life lessons.

I'm mainly writing this because its therapeutic for me, its a good outlet. I write and journal all the time anyway, so why not turn it into something. Who cares if my mom is the only one who reads it and who cares if its because I sent her the link? I've been thinking about doing this for a while actually, but I've always been too scared to just go and do it. To just start. I finally got over it and here I am. As Fred Armisen doing Joy Behar on SNL would say, "So what --- Who cares?!" (you gota make sure you do the shoulder action too when you say it)

I'm sure a few of my friends will give me crap about starting a blog and I KNOW a few of them will give me crap about the name, (ahem) Joseph and (ahem) probably Nicole too! But, SO WHAT! WHO CARES?! They're going to give me crap for something anyways cuz that's just what we do.

On the off chance someone other than my friends or my mom reads this (Hi, mom!), here's a brief little summary so everyone is all caught up with me on my "journey." It's a story that has many different versions and many different authors. This is mine: A cancer diagnosis that turned into an awakening...EVERYTHING changed. About 2 years ago a lump was found in my mouth, it was a tumor, it was malignant, and it needed to go. Oral cancer at age 27 (mucoepidermoid carcinoma of the salivary gland, to be exact). The surgery I had was called a partial maxillectomy, do yourself a favor and DON'T Google that one.....all kinds of fucked up. In all, I lost a quarter of my mouth....permanently: 4 teeth, half of the roof of my mouth and palate, and the adjacent jaw bone. I now wear a prosthetic mouth piece to fill in the missing portion. Yes, you read that correctly, I wear a prosthetic mouth. The surgery was successful and it was deemed that I did not need radiation treatment after all. I am now cancer free.

What I found, at least in my experience, is that no one really prepares you for the aftermath of cancer. Your body, if you're lucky as I was, eventually heals, but the mind....that's an entirely different cancer battle. That's when the battle really started for me, after it was all over. I can honestly say that I didn't even begin to process what happened for at least 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I am aware and unbelievably thankful at how lucky I am, it could have been a lot worse. So there I was, the tornado had passed, I'm left with this thing in my mouth wondering what the hell just happened?! I can tell you that I have found my way out of the dark forest I was in, and yes those videos are right, it does get better. But I am definitely still on this journey of figuring it all out. Life didn't get back to "normal" like the doctors said, but that's ok. It's a new normal....and I'm still getting used to it.

So that's my little story. This is me finding my way in my new normal......